I am officially in the process of getting over Adrian aka Mr Crush Through a Year or More.
Yeah.

I sent him a text message earlier today, telling how I felt about all of this shit and that since he doesn't fancy me in the same way, I would start doing my best to get over it. I guess I knew it all along, I was just a bit disillusioned. Anyway. He seemed to take it quite well, and we'll (as far as I know) remain friends. Might be a bit odd seeing him again but I think that will pass with time. 's not like he didn't know that I fancied him, it's just that it's official between the two of us now.

Right now, I'm feeling relieved. Very relieved, in fact. I am sick of being the girl who sits and cries because she's fucking miserable when it comes to love. I've never been any particularly good at that subject, but fuck it. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be happy, and sticking with a one-way crush that's not going anywhere is not going to help me very much.
Of course, I will have those moments when I'll think that life is shitty. I guess that's the way my brain works, but I really just want to be content and happy about myself and my life, and I believe this was an important step towards that state of mind. I don't need to pursue a guy because he held my hand once. I will hopefully find that special someone who can give me what I want soon enough.

Still, I feel the want of having someone like that. I've felt that way for a long time, and although loads of people say that having a boyfriend isn't that special, I disagree. I think that could fix my fucking brain. But enough of that.

I will definitely have to take time to get over him. It's not like I can just brush it off; after all, I've been completely head over heels for this guy. I mean, if there would have been a possibility that it could have turned out differently, I'd throw myself at that. But I'll try to be strong.

Anyhow. Relieved and a bit sad with nervousness and pensive-sprinkles on top. I'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

I might have interstitial cystitis/PBS or something similar. D: Load of bullshit, I don't need this right now. Especially inconvenient seeing as I won't have a possibility of going to the doctor before Monday, and with loads of important school stuff coming up, well, just not a good time. Still not verified, but it hurts and the symptoms match.

*scratches chin* Though, when reading what Wiki says, I'm not too sure if it actually is that. The translation might not be right (urinveisinfeksjon/blærekatarr in Norwegian). Ah, anyhow, something like that.

Spent a couple of hours on Tuesday with Adrian. It was nice, we made brownies and sat chatting a bit about the concert and just stuff in general. I missed him a lot right after he'd left, but y'know, it passes. Or at least subsides in strength. I really wish he knew how I feel/showed me that he knew how I feel about him, it's hard to know how to act around him. I would, of course, love to call him mine but if he doesn't like me that way I'd be more than happy to be friends with him and as such I'm terrified about showing how I feel if he doesn't feel the same way and it ends up being really awkward and we can't be friends anymore and yeah confession without commas bigtime.

Halloween is coming up! :D It's one of my favourite holidays/occasions to celebrate, since I love the autumn and I love that kind of things, they way it's connected with occultism and such. But I'm having a kind of battle with myself about how to dress up. The original idea is that bokhylle will go dressed as P33n Wentz and I'll go as Ashlee Simpson (our joke, I don't expect you to understand at all. If you're interested, ask). Debate with myself goes like this:

ME: OH YAY FUN!! You'll be, like, a couple!
ME #2: .. she's a bitch.
ME: You're dressing up?
ME #2: She's still a talentless bitch.
ME: C'mon, some of her songs are cute. AND IT'LL BE FUN. Only you who'll get it.
ME #2: UGH, I did not just think that. I don't like her, I don't want to dress up as her, and what's the point if you're the only ones who gets it?
ME: There's people on the interwebz who'll get it.
ME #2: You'll have to endure a whole evening of no-one understanding who you are. No point.
ME: KILLJOY.

etc.

I need to go over my pros and cons, but as for now I'm stuck. Any views?

Another thing I need views on is whether I should try to become a vegan or not. My mom's not too fond of the idea but I really want to try it out a couple of days, to see how hard it is and if it's something I can handle. It's as much of a challenge to myself as it is a conscious choice of not wanting to be a part of the 'use once-throw away' mentality the society has today, my own rebellion of sorts. I'm just not sure if I can keep it up since there's a lot of other stuff going on, with school and all that jazz. Still, I really want to try it out. I'll probably ask the people in vegetarian, but I'm interested in your views.

Lastly, I might begin to take guitar lessons soon. I hope it works out, I really want to. *crosses fingers*


I AM SO SORRY FOR KILLING YOU FRIENDS PAGE WITH THIS INCOHERENT ENTRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Ohkaaaaaaaaaaaay, let's see if I can do this right:

( Wow, this turned out a lot longer than I thought. )

ANYHOW. Amazing concert, a lot of fun. :] Well worth the wait (since July) and the money spent on the ticket. I couldn't take any pictures though, I didn't bring my camera in case it wasn't allowed. If there's one thing I don't want confiscated, it's my camera. The bastards took my umbrella ><.

I never knew going back to school would be this .. relaxing. I mean, we're overloaded by tons and tons of homework (this week we were supposed to do a usual two-week homework-plan in one week plus three smaller projects) and more difficult things to learn. Still, it doesn't stress me as bad as it did last time I made an entry.
Maybe that's got something to do with the fact that my class are going to a trip next week, five days away from everything, with the school's permission. Or that my new maths teacher has this HUGE belief in me, which actually makes math fun. I've never thought math was fun, not after elementary where I had the worst teacher ever. She was a mean, ugly and disgusting hag, and she took all the fun out of that class. I'm still reluctant to anything that has do to with maths because of her, but it's getting better.

I've also spent time with tha crusshh and a mutual friend of ours couple of days ago, which makes me go all :D. I might just be catching up with them tomorrow again, I'm going with noemedandrea to Granitt Rock, an arrangement with lots of bands. I'm really excited, but if I can get those two boys with as well it'll be awesome.

I'm really sorry about lack of commenting/updating but there are other things I need to focus on right now. :/

♥ Have a great humpday!