Promise that you won't pull the rug out from under me

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

This has been an unfair day.

Not because it's been particularly bad, but because I feel .. I don't know if I can describe what I'm feeling right now. Indifference, maybe? I feel misplaced. Apathic. Frustrated. Disconnected. All of these, but also none of these. I want to scream. I want to have some sort of outlet for this disassociative anger I'm feeling.

You know, anger is something I've always had problems handling; I think that anger was a feeling I didn't really experience a lot of in my early childhood, and as a result, when I later faced all sorts of nasty people, I didn't know how to be properly angry with them and so submitted instead. I keep it bottled up, and then sometime it all comes pouring out in one way or another. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I yell, sometimes I do other things, but it always comes out in a way that feels wrong.

Spesifics that could be making me feel this way:
- not feeling welcome as a result of being away from home.
- not having my best friends readily available; I only have one friend I would consider good down here, and I don't think I could walk up to him and tell him all of what's going on in my mind.
- not being who I want to be, frustration with self.

The last point is really the most important, I think. I'm a person with the need for constant change, I don't deal well with things being the same all the time. It bores me. That is one of the reasons why I went to England ... actually, it's the main reason. The only reason? I was pretty content with most aspects of my life back there, after all.

Katy Perry

Katy Perry is possibly one of the prettiest women in the world. I realise 20 of her 24 hours a day must be spent on putting on make-up and styling that lucious hair, but look at that end product. In addition to being positively gorgeous, she's also makes fantastically catchy music. I like all of the songs on One of the Boys, which is a rare occurence in the world of great CDs.

Additional awe:

P!nk

I've admired P!nk ever since Misundaztood, which is 8 years ago, which means that I've been a fan for a loong time. I love her uppity attitude, her politicism and her refusal to be put into a stereotype by being boyish and girlish at the same time. Actually, I love the fact that she submits to no-one. She's got a killer body and she's beautiful. I think that she might have been one of the subconscious reasons why I first bleached my hair white/platina. Also, she has a mighty voice that fits ballads as well as straight up dance music.

Additional awe:

Cameron Diaz

I admire Cameron Diaz first and formostly for her beauty. She's just so .. erthreal. I think she is truly beautiful. She just shines. People have NO IDEA how exhilarating it is when they say I look like her when I smile (and seriously, four-five different people who don't know each other have said this *beam*). And she's a good actor, too.

Additional awe:

Amanda Palmer

Amanda Palmer is one of my absolute favourite lyricists. She writes songs so absurd I can sing the words for months without realising what they're really about, and then when I take the time to sit down and properly listen, I get it. She uses words such as protozoa, anachronism and reconnaissance, which makes her amazing beyond words. The music she writes is also wonderful; she can make banging away on the keyboard without any regard for what notes are being played sound pleasing. Her voice is unique, which makes her unique. She dates Neil Gaiman. She plays several instruments and sings. She dresses wonderfully weirdly. She is VERY much into the fanbase, more than I have ever seen any artist do before. I just straight out admire her.

Additional awe:

YAY BONUS AWESOME: Brian Viglione of the Dresden Dolls to the right.

Hayley Williams

She sings like a godess in an awesome band, she's got killer hair and is petite and cute like woha. 'nuf said.

Additional awe:

Other women I admire:

Lindsey Ballato-Way

Emilie Autumn

Alanis Morissette

Agnete Forfang

Ida Maria

FYI, all the people mentioned here are musicians save from Diaz, so if you haven't heard their music/their band, I recommend you check them out.

"By the light of the night..

Promise that you won't pull the rug out from under me