I got home from the Hove festival the day before yesterday. And boy was that fun! But more of that in another post.

The reason I'm updating right now is because I had the possibly worst night ever in my life when I came home.

As it is, my mom has no place to live. Me and my sister got dropped off at dads and mom went to her boyfriend's brother's apartment. My dad wasn't home despite a deal he had made with mom, and she was a bit pissed. Still, me and my sister assured her there would be no problems. Wrong.

In the dead middle of the night I wake up, having slept 15 minutes or so due to a straight out fucked sleeping pattern because of Hove. I'm not what you'd call a heavy sleeper, quite on the contrary. I have troubles falling asleep unless it's dead quiet, mostly because I'm really afraid there's going to happen anything to my family when I'm asleep. The last part is really fear of being useless, as I would be if I was asleep and say, my mom got something stuck in her throat, which happens to be my worst fear. I've started crying so many times because of some innocent coughing, you have no idea.

Anyway. I wake up and hear some weird noises from my sister's bedroom. I'm puzzled and a little afraid, and I go to check out what it is. I find out she has locked her door. I try to talk to her and ask her what's up, but she just tells me to go away. We chat a bit while I try to convince her to open the door, and I get more and more pissed because she won't open the door nor tell me what's wrong. I threaten to call mom but the phone is in her room, and the threats don't help. After a while she tells me she has argued with her boyfriend and is sad and wants me to go away, but I tell her I won't and that I'm the one in charge now so if she doesn't open the door I'm going to open it with force.

Suddenly she makes these strangled noises, and the first thought that hits me is that "oh my god she's hanging herself". I cannot describe the sheer terror of those sounds. As I've said before, my worst fear in the whole wide world is if someone is strangled or chocked. I'm getting all shaky as I write this, just thinking about those feelings. Ugh.

I did open the door by force at that time. I actually threw myself at it, screaming for her. When I came into the room I was crying and having what I guess you could call a panic attack. My sister was luckily enough not hanging herself, but rather sitting on her bed projectile vomiting over the floor. Second thought that proves itself to be wrong this night that goes through my mind: "She's bulimic". I got some towels to clean up the incredible gross vomit while I was walking around crying. I was so so terrified. Turned out she had been drinking some spirits dad had lying around. She was crying too at this time and she was apologizing and said she felt really guilty.

My sister vomited twice more during the night, then fell asleep at around 4 AM. I kept watching her until I felt like sleeping myself and I dozed off where I sat several times. I called mom when the vomiting was at it's worst, but she didn't answer and I had to tell her everything in the morning. Well, everything I knew. My sister later confessed that she hadn't argued with her boyfriend but that there was something else she didn't want to tell me.

I guess the moral in this story is that my sister is not anywhere near being as mature as me. Now, that might sound really arrogant, but she's just .. such a teenager. And I'm only two years older than her. I have really bad sleeping problems now, even worse than before. I'm terrified of anything happening to her, and it's completely irrational, but it's so deeply wedged into me. *sigh* Last night I fell asleep at around 4 AM (also because I sat up watching and converting youtube-videos of Eddie Izzard).

In completely unrelated terms;

Happy belated birthday iwouldstay! I hope you had a good day, though from what I've read it's was merely okay. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Izzard sends his love.